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Nonpoetic poetry

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds…

I suppose this was always my icecream castle

a version of a gray sweatpants kind of life that I’d envisioned could last

no matter how quickly it had happened upon us

I thought I was enough of an us, I suppose.

But now to know my faith was once again in all the false

and that I spoke out so boldly

only to hear my own echo.

I’ve changed, I’ve become, I am who I am

and I’m not ashamed of me at all.

I took a bite of a cotton candy life – promises, seasons, and Come What May – and here I’m left dissolved.

What can I say that hasn’t been said? I can’t reach out any further, or I won’t.

At some point it can’t be all my effort

and I’m tired, I admit it. I’m tired of being strong and being accused of weakness. Of holding it together only to be told I’m falling apart.

Everyone can’t see the inside

the part that needs to hear what you can no longer say

but a shaking head and a deaf ear can sear to the bone, leaving scars you’re not worried with healing.

Looking out for 1-3 is my new game, while you look everywhere else for what you knew would never be

with me.

Just you wait, just you wait, the grass over there will be just as brown

meanwhile I’m happy to be selfish with the little hands and smiles,

the little songs and clapping hands

because I know that what I have is what is better

whether or not you see it is not my job to ensure.

I’ve offered it all, myself on a tray

but I can’t wait any longer to see if you want it.

The offer stands, an oath taken come what may, but I’m done with bated breath.

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About emylibef

I'm a wife, a mother, and many other things. I have blogged my life for over six years now, and this blog is the culmination of several blogs. In other words, I'm trying to get it all together. Bear with me.

Discussion

2 thoughts on “Dreams and schemes and circus crowds…

  1. Don’t be sad. It was quite liberating. Plus, today in the mail I got scads of knitting needles!

    Posted by emylibef | November 28, 2008, 3:29 pm

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