I suppose this was always my icecream castle
a version of a gray sweatpants kind of life that I’d envisioned could last
no matter how quickly it had happened upon us
I thought I was enough of an us, I suppose.
But now to know my faith was once again in all the false
and that I spoke out so boldly
only to hear my own echo.
I’ve changed, I’ve become, I am who I am
and I’m not ashamed of me at all.
I took a bite of a cotton candy life – promises, seasons, and Come What May – and here I’m left dissolved.
What can I say that hasn’t been said? I can’t reach out any further, or I won’t.
At some point it can’t be all my effort
and I’m tired, I admit it. I’m tired of being strong and being accused of weakness. Of holding it together only to be told I’m falling apart.
Everyone can’t see the inside
the part that needs to hear what you can no longer say
but a shaking head and a deaf ear can sear to the bone, leaving scars you’re not worried with healing.
Looking out for 1-3 is my new game, while you look everywhere else for what you knew would never be
Just you wait, just you wait, the grass over there will be just as brown
meanwhile I’m happy to be selfish with the little hands and smiles,
the little songs and clapping hands
because I know that what I have is what is better
whether or not you see it is not my job to ensure.
I’ve offered it all, myself on a tray
but I can’t wait any longer to see if you want it.
The offer stands, an oath taken come what may, but I’m done with bated breath.