Flying under the radar…
Here I sit, tucked away.
Folded in the floor of a few square feet, sharing space with extension cords, used pipe tobacco, light bulbs, and photocopied script pages scribbled with blocking and light cues, wrapped up in good music and sporting some ancient lightbooth headphones that cover the whole of my outer ear (like the ones Theo wore on the episode when he got an earring and tried to hide it from Dr. Huxtable, do you remember that episode? I wanted to be a Huxtable).
Josh is onstage. Rehearsing. Giggling. Shouting about French ladies and the can-can. Wheezing about mustard. He and Roger the Light Guy are the only two people in the building that know I’m here.
Or at least that’s what I’ve decided. Everyone probably knows I’m somewhere around.
Initially, I didn’t want to come. Then I decided it would be better to come hole myself away, as opposed to staying home and watching two or three or six of those repeat-watch movies…the ones you can always watch, over and over and over. I have so many of those.
So almost twelve hours after I initially decided I needed to say SOMETHING on this, my journal, my narrative of my own being, here I am. I have words, though I may not really have anything to say.
I’ve done a lot of thinking lately. My life, the way some things are going, the way other things are not.
My kids are getting so big. I should post more pictures. They’re so smart. I’m so proud of them.
My computer is the only place I have pictures, I should back them up.
I think I’ve decided I want to go back to school. Probably, hopefully, by the spring semester. Once we are again a two-income family and things are stable, I plan to actually sit and map out a plan of the classes I need to finish a degree – something I never did once. I never actually decided what direction I wanted to work in, so I just did what I wanted…which, while it was fun, it got me nothing tangible. Which I guess is okay, because hey – life is intangible – but I need to finish what I started. How can I tell my children not to give up unless I know what I’m talking about? One of the things I’ve never wanted to be is a hypocrite, and I have been just that – many times in my life. This, however, this – I can fix.
Josh and I have started confirmation classes.
It’s a good step.