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My dearest Ava,

It’s not a special day.

Not your birthday, not the anniversary of anything special. Nothing big.

You are asleep, and I suppose that in its own right is cause for celebration.

First of all, you are beautiful. You hear it every day now, all the time, but because the world is the world and things go the way they do, you’ll hear it less and less as you get older. I promise you, though, it will always be so. As long as I live I will tell you, even when you stop listening.

I worry sometimes that I’m not a very good mom. Just a few nights ago, I bathed you, dressed you in your pajamas, and told you (because I was apparently in a very girly mood) that we were going to paint your fingers and toes. You immediately knew what to do, holding your pudgy fingers as still as you could muster, cupping your knees while you pointed your toes….suddenly I realized, watching you, that I taught you none of that.

For a moment, I was incredibly sad. I envisioned you on a therapist’s couch with tales of a hardnosed, stern mother who never let you be a girl. Mommy & Me dresses, curling irons and makeup…’Mom’ memories. Mother and daughter.

Then I thought of all the moments of memories you’ll have of the people who did teach you proper nail-polish behavior….cuddled up in Karen and Jerry’s living room with a bedsheet as a movie screen; curled in Aunt Amanda’s lap in a corner of Nana’s couch; perched atop a barstool at Granna’s with artsy Aunt Steffie holding the polish brush. I realized it didn’t matter who taught you how to be still for nail polish, it matters the memories you carry with you…memories you’ll always have, and I can’t be selfish with that. You have so many people who love you, sweet girl, and you deserve a chance to hold them each in a special place.

Besides, I’m crap at polishing nails. I’ll teach you something useful one day, like how to pick a lock with a credit card. I’m excellent at that.




About emylibef

I'm a wife, a mother, and many other things. I have blogged my life for over six years now, and this blog is the culmination of several blogs. In other words, I'm trying to get it all together. Bear with me.


6 thoughts on “My dearest Ava,

  1. I almost don’t feel worthy enough to post after this. I feel as if I have read a secret letter hidden away for a bride to be to someday read…. Nonetheless, this is special and I feel better for just reading it.

    Posted by London Southern Belle | March 23, 2007, 5:39 pm
  2. That was precious Emily.

    Posted by Vicki | March 23, 2007, 8:26 pm
  3. you are a good mom I will always believe that

    Posted by Milton | March 23, 2007, 9:02 pm
  4. I stumbled on your site. How sweet & truthful.

    Posted by FENICLE | March 30, 2007, 7:13 pm
  5. Awww. That made me wanna cry. You are such a great letter-writer. Sweetness.

    Posted by Amanda | April 2, 2007, 11:12 pm
  6. Hey wait, didn’t I teach you how to pick a lock with a credit card? JK. That was really sweet.

    Posted by Jada | April 10, 2007, 3:53 pm

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